For the July 4th weekend, Poirier and I celebrated our patriotism by fleeing the country. A report of various gastronomic endeavors in Vancouver follows.
All ratings are based on the 20-point Pudaite scale (-9 to +10), and reflect my, not Poirier's, opinion.
1pm. Kitchen area of Jen's Apartment. As you all know, one of my many talents is optimizing time allocation, so, while Jen is packing, I seize upon the opportunity to enjoy a Safeway Brand Root Beer Float bar. According to the box, these bars are "quiescently frozen confections." And how! Of course, if you've read any of my other reports you know that I now favor chocolate ice cream in root beer floats. Someday there will be root beer float bars that feature each and every flavor of the flavor rainbow. But until then we have no choice but to endure the confines of pedestrian tastes imposed upon us by The Man. Can you blame us for wanting to leave this country?! It's worse than a concentration camp!
| Safeway Root Beer Bars | +7 |
2pm. Interior of a turqoise Subaru
Impreza. Nothing impresses border
patrol more than dumb Americans wearing crumb-covered shirts. With this in
mind:
| Safeway Brand Caramel Corn-Rice Cakes | -4 |
| Safeway Brand White Cheddar Corn-Rice Cakes | +3 |
| Air Crisps (original potato flavor) | +5 |
| Rold Gold Honey Mustard Pretzels | +2 |
830pm. Lumiere. This restaurant recently won top honors in Vancouver Magazine's critic's poll, and gets four stars from seattle.sidewalk.com. We were attracted by reports of "vegetarian friendly"-ness and a tasting menu format.
Unfortunately, I forgot to pack a non-slobby button up shirt, and had no choice but to wear my ratty Timberland chambray. Upon entering the restaurant, it became clear that I was rather underdressed. (Reminder: Ask Jeeves "what is smart casual?")
Tyler: Reservations for Poirier, eight-thirty.
Maitre'd: All right....it'll just be a minute, Mr. Pwahr-yay.
(Heh. Yes hello I think I know how to pronounce my own name!!1!)
Maitre'd (to Jen): Madam, if you would like to put your umbrella there...(gestures to rack)...and do you have a coat you'd like to hang?
Jen: Oh, no, thank you.
Maitre'd: Very well. And Mr. Pwahr-yay, would you like me to hang your...um...
Tyler: No. Thanks.
Vegetarian Menu |
|
| Chilled Tomato Gazpacho with mustard ice cream | +2 |
| David Wood's Goat Cheese Tartelette with carmelized onions, tomato confit and a nicoise vinaigrette | +6 |
| White and Green Asparagus with fresh morels and dry sherry jus | +7 |
| New Potato Casserole with spring peas, pearl onions, green beans and artichokes in a lemon chive beurre blanc | +1 |
| Roquefort served with caramelized pears and arugula salad | +1 |
| Kiwi Sorbet with strawberry jus | +3 |
| Passionfruit Tart with a dark Valrohna chocolate cake base | +2 |
| Peach Clafoutis Flan with almond praline ice cream | +1 |
Chef's Menu |
|
| Seared Quebec Foie Gras with "navets nouveaux confits" and braised sweetbreads | +10 |
| Seared Alaskan Scallop and BC Spot Prawns with maple-smoked bacon, green pea puree and parmesan | +8 |
| Roasted Fraser Valley Duck with duck confit, Israeli couscous and a warm soy and ginger vinaigrette | +9 |
| Roasted Lamb Chop with a sorrel and Kalamata olive sauce | +8 |
| Reblochon de Savoie with watermelon, watercress and pumpkin seeds | +5 |
| Honeydew Sorbet with cantaloupe puree | +4 |
| Walnut Meringue with honey maple walnuts and dark chocolate chip ice cream | +4 |
| Goat Cheese Cheesecake with poached white, red, and dark cherries | +3 |
We also ordered a "wine flight" (a half pour paired with every course) to accompany Poirier's menu. In retrospect, we perhaps should have ordered the flight with my menu since vegetarian courses tend to be paired with white, and we both prefer red. Still, the wines were good, and we even got a glass with the naughth course:
| Bread with butter | +9 |
As can be inferred from the ratings, I mostly loved my menu. It wasn't to the level of Charlie Trotter's, but close. Perhaps a tie for second with Aqua. Lumiere's is simpler, lighter, and maybe a bit fussier than Aqua's. Aqua's dessert platter, however, is tippy top for dessert.
I didn't love the vegetarian menu, however...for one thing, I really detest the ubiquitous "vegetable medley" concept. Throwing a bunch of random stuff in a pot is a cop out, as is futily attempting to elevate its status by calling it a "quintet" or "melange" or "ragout" when in the meat world it would be called "haggis" or "hospital cafeteria chili." Plates with fewer main components, such as the asparagus and morels, work much better, in my opinion. A little venison filet on top would have been very nice. But I guess that's against the rules or something?
At the time of this trip, $1US = $1.4C. Poirier's dinner was $50C, the wine flight was $35C, and my dinner was $70C, which is, in my opinion, a very good deal.
11am. Starbucks. Are the treats at US Starbucks usually this good? Sadly, the answer is no.
| Chai Latte | +3 |
| Citrus Poppy Seed Mini Loaf | +5 |
| Oat Bar | +5 |
130pm. Hon's Wun-Tun House. For lunch we heeded the "go where there are crowds" rule, and also the lesser-known "go where there are suckling pigs hanging upside down in the window" rule. Hon's is a wildly popular local favorite with three branches to serve Vancouver's noodle (and inverted porcine) needs.
| Thin Noodles with Ginger and Green Onion | +3 |
| Vegetarian Pot Stickers | +2 |
| Shrimp Broth | +2 |
Our decision to order a single entree was influenced by the restaurant review warnings of mountainous portions. These warnings turned out to be slightly hyperbolic. Sadderz. I was so attracted to what I saw of their stews. Next time for sure.
230pm. Sally's Cake House. Any reasonable Chinatown has its chinese bakery (or nine). Sally's had the distinction of strategically prominent placement of sponge cakes on the front counter...a sure way to lure in people like me.
| Mini Sponge Cake | +10 |
| Jin Dui* | +4 |
*rice flour batter filled with sweet red bean paste, rolled in sesame seeds and deep fried
The excellent sponge cake rivaled the Wong family standby (from Ruby King Bakery in Oakland). The Jin Dui lacked toasted sesame seeds (which is bad) and grease (which is good!), but still had a light, crispy shell.
830pm. Rubina Tandoori. Recommended by Fodor's.
| Vegetable Vindaloo | -3 |
| Curried Cauliflower | +1 |
| Garlic Naan | +4 |
| Mango Lassi | +2 |
| Sweet Lassi | +3 |
In addition to the food being unspectacular, the service was inattentive and slow.
As we'd entered the restaurant, we passed a glass counter with trays of what Jen guessed to be "halvah" (or the indian version of). The waiter informed us that it was a sort of fudge, flavored with almonds, pistachios, or milk curd. Well, who doesn't love fudge? We passed up the various menu desserts in favor of some fudge bars to go.
Ah, yes. Indian Fudge. Further confirmation of my hypothesis that Asians suck at desserts. "Quiescent confections" they were not.
| "sort of fudge" | -3 |
2pm. Granville Island Market. A cute little tourist trap that combines the quaintness of Canada with the quaintness of a basement level Food Court.
| cinnamon sticky roll | +6 |
| peroshki | -4 |
8pm. Bin 941. The second best thing to a tasting menu is a set of tapas. (Or Dim Sum. Or sushi. Same things.) My craving for tapas led us to Bin 941, a hot new restaurant and a hangout for the cool kids.
My/our definition of "vegetarian friendly" discounts vegetable medleys, iceberg lettuce salads, and portobello mushroom "steaks" as edible fare. Within this criteria, most restaurants are fairly unfriendly. They will, however, often serve, with their unfriendly entrees, friendly side dishes that sound better than the entree they accompany. (We've had reasonable success requesting dinners comprised entirely of side orders, particularly at Metropolis Grill in Kansas City, MO, and Dahlia Lounge in Seattle, WA.) Bin 941 was just such a restaurant. As it turned out, though, "vegetarian unfriendly" described not only the food, but the staff as well, as our method of ordering was met with initial resistance and exasperation by the stool-cripple-waitwhore.
Most everything on the menu looked good to me, so I asked to have the chef prepare two items of his choice (bar the portobello mushroom steak). I was very happy with the result even though his choices were the two I would have been least likely to choose for myself.
| East-west crab cake with burnt orange chipotle sauce, charred baby bok choy | +8 |
| Blue corn crusted chicken breast with plantain mojo, kafir lime tomatillo salsa verde | +3 |
| Potato-Yam hash browns (it was a special that was not on the menu, so i can't remember exactly what it was called) | -4 |
| New Potato-Granny Smith Apple Panzanella | +5 |
| Rosemary Cracked Pepper Foccacia | +7 |
We wrapped up the foccacia, which we then devoured while driving around a gorgeous residential area looking for neighborhoods with victorian-style and modern-asian-style houses side by side. (We found some.)
1030pm. Diva. After the neighborhood tour, the hunt for dessert began. Diva was mentioned in Fodor's as a haunting ground for the elite and the post-theater crowd and since Poirier and I have often been described as post-elite (in machine shop trade journals and Highlights For Children), Diva seemed an appropriate enough venue.
| Snowcap Margarita | +9 |
| Chocolate Tasting Plate: | |
| Chocolate pot de creme | +6 |
| Valrhona mousse with blueberries | 0 |
| Creme de Cacao Ice Cream Sandwich | +3 |
The "snowcap" margarita is a traditional frozen lime margarita blended with coconut milk. Big points.
The dessert was good, not great. The ice cream in the sandwich was delicious, the cookie part was...Little Debbie's. And for some reason, the mint sprig on the mousse had infused the berries and chocolate with a listerine-fresh flavor, which I took to mean the sprig had been sitting there for some time, which I took to mean that that part of the dessert was not made to order.
12pm. Hoko's Sushi. The sushi bar we originally intended to visit (as per Fodor's recommendation) had apparently gone out of business. Supplanting the "go where the people are" rule with the "there is no room or tolerance for bad asian restaurants in asian neighborhoods" rule, I elected to try Hoko's, which was close to where the Fodor-recommended restaurant used to be.
This is not a good rule.
| Various nigiri sushi (fresh salmon, smoked salmon, hamachi, toro) | -6 |
| Pan fried noodles with vegetables | +2 |
1pm. Sally's Cake House. While picking up sponge cake to take back to Seattle, two other items found their way into the basket:
| Pineapple Bun | +3 |
| Custard Bun | -7 |
Learn from our mistakes, unless you enjoyed eating Lemon pledge as a child.
[Poirier sez: The Pineapple Bun was decidedly the culinary highlight of the trip. I do not know what ails Tyler such that he is unable to recognize gastronomic genius, but suffice to say, the pineapple bun rated at least a +9, if not higher.]
130pm. Hon's Deli. Next to Hon's Wun-Tun House is a deli and food mart. Poirier had previously expressed a curiosity about Joong (sticky rice, peanuts, red beans, whole egg yolk, and pork wrapped in tea leaves and steamed), and since Joong is something that almost all chinese people eat with some regularly, yet is not eaten or even heard of by many westerners, I thought it would be fun (and educational! because we all are here to learn!) for her to try it. I asked the cashier to box and ring up two, then tried to pay with a US Five. Paying with US$ is not uncommon in vancouver, though you will be forced to 1) take a 1.4 exchange rate (1.44 at exchange shops) and 2) take canadian change. However, this cashier refused to give me anything better than a 1.3 exchange rate, and didn't believe (or care about) my claim of getting 1.4 elsewhere. Given that the Joong were reasonably priced, it might, to the layperson, seem prudent to have simply let this minor discrepancy slide. But you need to understand two very powerful principles at work. First, as a citizen of the BEST GODDAMNED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD I am entitled to preferential treatment. Second, as an Asian American who proudly accepts, practices, and espouses all facets of Chinese culture and its value system, it would be taboo to pay 50 more of -anything- than I have to, no matter -what- the currency unit.
| Joong | +? |
This unfortunate incident did not discourage the process of Poirier's indoctrination: our next stop was the grocery store across the street to acquire another very chinese-y staple: Lychee-Coconut Jelly capsules. I was able to scrape up enough funnymoney to purchase the capsules without international incident.
| Lychee-Coconut Jelly | +2 |
So, what's the lesson here? Is foie gras -really- as tasty as sponge cake? Why, with all of the internet and swiss watch technology available, do Asians still suck ass at making desserts? Will I be creating a mailing list in order to fulfill the desperate need for a forum where we can talk more about me? And how can we, as individuals in a global community, use these tales to improve our lives, and the lives of our children?
Very good questions, all. First, money is power. We have more money than Canadians do. Therefore, we are more powerful. If you ever go to Canada, remember that although this power is a birthright, it can be used for good or evil, or ultra-evil.
Second, fresh salmon is yummy, and there's a lot of it in Vancouver, just not at certain sushi bars.
Third, Asian architecture is rad.
Fourth, if you are in a parking garage where there are signs that read "Car Thieves Work Here," you are welcome and encouraged to laugh about it, but please depart shortly after the mirth.
Finally, there's a show on Canadian TV which is best described as American Gladiators on inline skates. It is the best show ever, indicative of a culture at the pinnacle of refinement. And yet, some downtown streets and lanes are designated entirely for city buses and cop cars. Too, the city doesn't seem to think twice about scheduling road construction during rush hour the Monday after the 4th. The correlation is obvious. If we don't protect future generations from culture, then civilization, and our war against moths, will grind to a halt, and we will all plunge into a grisly, mothy demise.